The Negotiation You Don’t Want to be a Part of
FEBRUARY 23, 2026
Negotiating with yourself feels reasonable, but it quietly erodes self-trust. Change begins when you stop bargaining with what you already know matters.
Pay attention to the next time you soften a decision to feel relief. That moment is more important than the outcome you’re delaying.
It didn’t happen all at once. It never does.
There was no dramatic failure.
No crisis.
No big decision.
It happened the first time you said: “Just not right now.”
Research on decision-making and self-regulation shows something consistent:
when people encounter internal conflict, the brain looks for relief, not truth.
Relief all too often (and sometimes unknowingly) comes from compromise. So instead of a clear yes or no, we negotiate.
“I’ll do it later.”
“I’ll revisit this next quarter.”
“I’ll give myself more time.”
You feel better.
The tension drops.
And the behavior is reinforced.
I’ve watched this happen with countless leaders I’ve worked with.
Someone knows exactly what needs to be done.
They’re clear. Grounded. Honest.
Then the cost becomes real.
Time. Reputation. Comfort. Certainty.
And right there — in that exact moment — the negotiation begins.
Not out loud. But internally.
They don’t abandon the goal. They just soften it. And that’s the danger.
Because once you negotiate once, you learn: I don’t actually have to follow through when it gets uncomfortable.
To be clear, this isn’t about discipline. It’s about precedent.
Every time you negotiate with yourself, you teach yourself who’s in charge:
Your values
— or —Your need to feel okay right now
And over time, those small negotiations stack.
People don’t say:
“I quit my life.”
They say:
“I don’t know why this isn’t working,” not recognizing the subconscious lack of trust in themselves.
That trust didn’t disappear.
It was bargained away.
From working with all levels of leadership all over the world, guess what? The shift never comes from trying harder.
It comes from recognizing the exact moment you start negotiating, and refusing to play.
Refusing to play by making a clean decision: “This matters enough not to be bargained with.”
That’s where momentum starts.
That’s where self-trust is rebuilt.
Not later.
Not once things calm down.
Right there.
Key Idea
The first “negotiation” is the moment momentum dies. Negotiating with yourself feels reasonable, but it quietly erodes self-trust. Change begins when you stop bargaining with what you already know matters.
Takeaway
Pay attention to the next time you soften a decision to feel relief. That moment is more important than the outcome you’re delaying.
Build your Movement
Where did you start negotiating with yourself and what has that negotiation been costing you ever since?
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