The Power of Presence Over Problem-Solving

Jun 9

JUNE, 9 2025

When someone is stuck in fear or overwhelm, they don’t need a solution, they need presence. It’s not fixing that moves people forward; it’s being with them, no matter what.

Pause the fixing. Stay, listen, and be present.

We were on a retreat on Mount Kilimanjaro last year, Africa’s tallest peak, standing over 6,000 meters high, almost 20,000 feet. It’s a test of stamina, yes—but more than that, it was this profound test of spirit.

Among our group was this great guy, let’s call him Jason, for the sake of anonymity. He wasn’t a huge climber. He didn’t bring that latest high-tech gear or elite fitness. But he came with something deeper: a commitment to honor his late father by spreading his ashes at the summit.

For the first few days, Jason held steady.

Cracking jokes.

Helping others.

But then came the Barranco Wall: a sheer, near-1,000 foot cliff of jagged rock and exposed scrambling. What we didn’t know until we reached it? Jason didn’t like heights. In fact, he had a debilitating fear of heights.

About halfway up, we found that out the hard way when he froze. Paralyzed. His body shook, his breath shortened, and tears welled in his eyes.

This is the moment when most of us rush into fixing mode:
“Don’t look down!”
“Just breathe!”
“Keep going! You’ve got this!”

But this wasn’t a moment for advice. There was no quick solution. No escape route. And most importantly, no fixing what was happening inside of him.

Instead, Haviland, my sister and business partner, did something simple and profound: she went back and sat with him. No pep talk. No strategies. Just steady presence.

And slowly, something began to shift.

Jason didn’t “conquer” his fear. He released it, through breath, through tears, through being witnessed without judgment.

And then, he stood up. And he kept climbing.

Days later, he reached the summit and with shaking hands, scattered his father’s ashes to the wind.

“People don’t need to be fixed. They need to be felt with.” — Dr. Gabor Maté

What moved Jason forward wasn’t the grit of strength. It was presence.

And research backs this up: studies in interpersonal neurobiology show that co-regulation, the calming presence of another, helps soothe the nervous system and build emotional resilience. It’s not just helpful. It’s essential.

We live in a world obsessed with solutions. But sometimes, the most powerful thing we can offer isn’t an answer. It’s our attention.

Presence doesn’t change the circumstance. But it changes us within the circumstance.

And sometimes, that’s all we need to keep climbing.

Key Idea

You don’t always have to solve it, just stay with it. When someone is stuck in fear or overwhelm, they don’t need a solution, they need presence. It’s not fixing that moves people forward; it’s being with them, No Matter What.

Takeaway

Pause the fixing. Stay, listen, and be present.

Build your Movement

When someone around me is struggling, do I rush to fix? Or, am I willing to simply be with them?