The Trap of “Should”
NOVEMBER 10, 2025
Even the most self-aware among us forget what we know. That’s not failure, it’s human. Growth happens when we stop punishing ourselves for forgetting and start practicing what we remember.
Catch one “should” today. Replace it with, “I’m remembering how to do this.” See what happens.
Lately, I’ve been catching myself in a trap I know better than to fall into. Maybe you’ll relate.
The trap?
It’s the trap of should.
I should be more disciplined.
I should meditate every morning.
I should handle that better.
I should know this by now.
The irony is, I spend my life helping people get free of those exact thoughts. I teach frameworks. I lead retreats around the world. I’ve built entire models on how to transform the unknown and uncomfortable into growth.
And yet… sometimes, I don’t live up to it all.
When that happens, a sneaky voice shows up: “You, of all people, should know better.”
But here’s the thing: knowing better isn’t the same as being better.
Just because we have the answers doesn’t mean we always use them.
We’re not robots. We’re human beings. We forget. We fall short. We circle back. That’s not hypocrisy. That’s practice.
The moment we start being cruel to ourselves for missing the mark, we’re reinforcing the very pattern we’re trying to escape. The “should” becomes a shame loop, keeping us stuck where we are instead of freeing us to move forward.
Growth doesn’t come from being harder on ourselves.
It comes from being honest with ourselves.
So instead of saying “I should’ve known better,” I’m trying something different:
“I forgot. And I’m remembering now.”
That one shift moves me out of shame and back into performance, where change can actually happen.
Key Idea
“Should” is the language of shame; “remembering” is the language of growth. Even the most self-aware among us forget what we know. That’s not failure, it’s human. Growth happens when we stop punishing ourselves for forgetting and start practicing what we remember.
Takeaway
Catch one “should” today. Replace it with, “I’m remembering how to do this.” See what happens.
Build your Movement
Where are you being mean to yourself for something you already know, but just forgot to practice?
RECOMMENDED FOR YOU
