Without an Agenda
JULY 13, 2026
We've trained each other to need reasons. The relationships we keep waiting for one go quietly cold.
When someone comes to mind, that's the reason. Don't wait for a better one.
Started something this year. When I think of someone, I reach out. Doesn't matter if it's been two weeks or twenty years.
A few months ago I called someone I hadn't spoken to in fifteen years.
They picked up guarded. You could hear it. "What's this about?"
I said nothing. Just wanted to say hi, see how they were doing.
They didn't believe me. Asked again what I wanted.
I told them: nothing. Genuinely nothing.
It took a few minutes. Then slowly they melted open. And we actually caught up. Really caught up. For the first time in fifteen years.
Here's what stuck with me.
Not the conversation. The suspicion before it.
Somewhere along the way, reaching out without an agenda became unusual enough that people brace for the ask.
That's not on them. That's on all of us. We've trained each other to expect a catch.
For most of my adult life, the people I reached out to were people I had a reason to reach out to. A meeting to schedule. A deal to discuss. A favor to want. I was always polite about it. I was also always asking for something. I just didn't always see it that way.
The new practice has been simple. When someone comes to mind, I call them. Or I text. Or I send a voice message. I don't have a reason. The thought is the reason.
What I didn't expect is what it's done to me, not just the people on the other end.
There's a quiet recalibration that happens when you spend a year reaching out to people for no reason. You start noticing the difference between people you actually think about and people you've been performing relationship with. You start having shorter, better calls. You start receiving the same energy back from a few brave souls who try it on you.
You also start to feel a little embarrassed at how rare this used to be in your own week.
I don't have a tidy lesson here. The practice has just made me more honest.
It's worth noticing how rare it has become to just say hello.
If someone came to mind while you were reading this, that's probably the answer to the question I'm not going to ask...
The unknown doesn't hand you a new version of yourself. It just strips away what's been covering up what was already there.
Key idea:
When you wait for a reason to reach out, you've started performing the relationship instead of having one. We've trained each other to need reasons. The relationships we keep waiting for one go quietly cold.
Take away:
When someone comes to mind, that's the reason. Don't wait for a better one.
Build your movement:
Reach out to one person this week with nothing to ask. Pay attention to what it shows you, not just to them.